Will you be my Valentine?
Valentine’s Day is the day you either love or dread, depending on your relationship status, beliefs and income levels – and maybe how much you love chocolate. In years past, I have written about the importance of focusing on self-love and self-care on Valentine’s Day, regardless of your relationship status, rather than buying into the commercialization of the holiday, something I wholeheartedly believe.
Delicious Swiss chocolate truffles I discovered in Geneva, Switzerland
But on this Valentine’s Day, as a woman who is stubbornly independent and has bucked most traditions for most of her adult life, I feel something different. Of course I still believe in focusing on self-love and self-care on Valentine’s Day, as it is good for us to do so on every day of the year. On this holiday, though, I wish I had a Valentine. I have had wonderful Valentines shared with partners in years past, just as I have had several Valentine holidays alone. I have experienced both sides of the equation. So let’s just chalk up this fresh view to a case of a swinging pendulum.
This holiday, I wish I had a romantic Valentine who lives and breathes romance, who would send me the biggest most beautiful bouquet of roses, and who would show up at my door with a box of chocolates. Make that champagne-filled Swiss chocolate truffles, which I have been dreaming of since I tasted them on a recent trip to Geneva, Switzerland. I wish I had that Valentine who would fly me to an exotic island for the weekend and take me out for a romantic dinner at the most posh fine-dining restaurant, and maybe even surprise me with a little gift, like a strand of pearls. Make that Jackie Kennedy pearls. You know, like they do on, say, the Young & the Restless.
But, that is a fantasy and not my reality (at least not this year). And this is the problem with Valentine’s Day. It creates unrealistic fantasies and expectations. When these fantasies or expectations are not met, we get upset, hurt and even depressed. We become sad that we are alone, single, or not able to be with someone that would make the day feel complete or special.
I am reminded of the Law of the Many and the One, which I have learned through my work over the years with my mentor, Dr. John Demartini. It goes something like this: when you have the one, you want the many; when you have the many, you want the one. Take for instance, when you are married to the one, you fantasize about being single and available to the many; and when you’re single and tired of cycling through the many, you dream of being married to the one.
For this Valentine’s Day holiday, I thought, for fun, I would apply that law…
So today, instead of feeling sorry for myself because I don’t have that ONE special Valentine, I am going to reach out to all my MANY friends and ask: will you be my Valentine?
Love and light,
Shannon
Shannon Skinner is on a journey of following her heart and creating change in the world. She is a broadcaster, inspirational speaker, author and writer on many subjects including travel. Her inspiring keynotes are uplifting and transforming lives around the globe. To book her as a speaker for your next conference, contact shannon (at) shannonskinner.com. Watch her interviews with extraordinary women at www.ExtraordinaryWomenTV.com.
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Got the February blahs? Try these.
Canadians know how challenging the month of February is. March is not much better. After months of low light, shoveling snow and enduring frigid temperatures (unless you live in Vancouver, in that case, stick it!), we start to get cabin fever from hibernating.
Something I have noticed in my own life is that after hanging up my downhill skiis more than a decade ago, I stopped enjoying winter. I tend to stay in more and by the end of February I’m going squirrelly. For exercise, I do walk my dog several times a day and jog on the days when my lungs and face won’t hurt, but it is not enough. Going outside is a big effort. By now, I need an attitude adjustment. My guess is that others do, too.
Here are some ways to get over the February blahs and cabin fever, as we go into the last stretch of winter.
- When it’s cold outside, be warm and sunny from the inside: Go into your heart more. Do the things that warm your heart and make your light shine and radiate. Maybe it is helping out at a soup kitchen, or cooking a meal for your elderly neighbours, or a random act of kindness.
- Create an inspiring space: Our environment directly impacts our creativity and productivity. Low light tends to create lower moods. So brighten up your interior, both literally and figuratively. Create an inspiring space where you do your creative work. Colour plays a huge role. Paint your walls vibrant colours such as red, yellow or orange – or calming ones like baby blue. Enhance your space in a way that is inspiring to you — and maybe it will inspire others.
- Buy new art: If you already collect art, take stock of what you have. Consider trading or buy new art. Start a new collection of artifacts or other items that have meaning to you and place them in your creative space. Perhaps it is from your travels. Or make your own art to hang on the wall.
- Listen to music to lift your spirits: Listen to the kinds of music that pick up your energy, spirit and mood. Music impacts our energy level. I personally love opera and, this weekend I, fought the snow to see the Canadian Opera Company’s production Don Giovanni, at the Four Seasons Centre. The way the music made me feel was worth fighting the snow to get there.
- Get outside to play: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! I write this at the risk of being pelted with snowballs…Even if you are not athletic, get outside to play as much as possible. Go for walks, even if they are short. Play winter sports. Go tobogganing. Remember the fun you had as a kid and try to re-create that feeling.
- Take a class: As a forever student, I am always taking a course of some sort. Taking courses forces us to get out of our spaces, meet new people, we learn something new – and it keeps us engaged. Consider taking a photography, cooking or language course.
- Get some sunshine: We all crave fleeing from the Canadian cold into warmer, sunnier climates. So find a travel deal and go somewhere new, whether it is basking on a beach or a wellness retreat, or taking a course, such as Spanish, in a place that inspires you.
Photo credit: Andreas Krappweis
Shannon Skinner is an award-winning inspirational speaker, writer, and host and producer of the television and online series www.ExtraordinaryWomenTV.com.
This article was originally published at HuffingtonPost.com.
Do you have burnout? Listen to your heart.
So you had passion for your work. Now, you feel stressed, overwhelmed and a lack of joy you once felt for your job, career or business. The bounce in your step has turned into a drag. Your creative juices are no longer flowing and you have stopped creating all together, and all you think about is what stresses you. When you wake up in the morning, you dread at worst, or are indifferent at best, for what the day will bring.
You might even be feeling powerless to continue on the path of making your dreams come true.
If this sounds familiar, know you are not alone.
The past week has been abuzz with discussions about the growing rise of depression and the stigma of mental illness. Also on the rise is job burnout, which, according to the renowned Mayo Clinic, is described as “a special type of job stress – a state of physical, emotional or mental exhaustion combined with doubts about your competence and the value of your work.” In fact, a Stats Canada survey in 2010 had identified that 1 in 4 workers report being stressed, and, more telling, 6 in 10 highly stressed workers identify work as their main source of stress.
While I am not a medical expert or an authority on job burnout (full disclosure here), I do know this from my own life experience: when you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling for your work, you may have a creative block. When we get blocked, we stop creating – and our dreams may seem like they are slipping away. When are dreams are not coming true, we can get depressed.
I know. I’ve been there.
Anyone who is in a creative field or in the artistic world is intuitively tapped into their creativity. They “get it.” In the corporate world, creativity is often looked at as something frivolous. How many companies do what it takes to develop and nurture their employees’ creativity? This is not something to mess with. Creativity is a key to happiness and success.
Creative energy is like electricity: it flows effortlessly. But when the plug is pulled on your creative power, it means you have run into an obstacle, otherwise known as a creative block. Most likely, that obstacle is an emotion – fear, resentment or anger – that stops you from connecting with your heart’s desires. When we are flooded with these negative emotions, self-doubt creeps in and we can no longer hear the whispers of our heart. Self-doubt is the biggest killer of creativity. It takes on a life of its own, quashes your creative spirit, sabotaging your dreams and desires along its path of destruction.
The only way out of this vicious cycle is to return to creating from the heart. The way to do that is to release negative emotions, and discover how they benefit you and how they help you get where you want to go. For example, perhaps you are stressed from the grind of owning a small business. How does that stress benefit you? Or if you have a tense relationship with your boss, how does that tension benefit you?
Once you let go of the negativity and self-doubt, the heart’s whispers will become louder, once again.
Then, take action. You might need to leave your job or change your career, or sell or close-down your business.
Perhaps easier said than done, you might be thinking, but what other choice do you have? We can give-up our power and joy to negativity and continue doing something we loathe, and let it eat us up in something we call burnout. Or we can turn negativity on its head, kick it around like a football, and return to the heart — and get back that lovin’ feeling for what we do in our work.
If you have had job burnout and experienced a creative block, I’d love to hear from you about your experience.
Photo credit: Carl Dwyer
This article is cross-posted at www.HuffingtonPost.ca.
VIDEO: When butter and egg hit the road: how one woman lives her dream of traveling the world
My theme this week is one of my greatest loves: travel. I get tremendous joy from exploring our magnificent planet. Most people I know also enjoy traveling; it is seemingly universal. It is one of the best ways to get inspired and to change routine.
While routine has its comforts, it becomes ho-hum boring, eventually leading to complacency and is, inevitably, a creativity killer; a topic I cover in my book, The Whispering Heart: Your Inner Guide to Creativity. Whenever I need to shake it up, I pack a bag and go somewhere — anywhere. Travel is stimulating, often adventurous and exhilarating, and I usually meet interesting people. Travel can also be the best medicine for overcoming health issues such as depression, as author Jan Wong, who I recently interviewed, wrote about in her memoir.
Last weekend, I managed to get away to a friend’s cottage in Muskoka, a “cottage country” region north of Toronto. En route, I noticed the sign of a street called “Butter and Egg Road.” Now, this is not just any street. Coincidentally, it happens to be the name of the dream business of one of my recent guests on my show Extraordinary Women TV with Shannon Skinner.
Seeing the street sign so unexpectedly got me reflecting on my own dream: to travel the world doing what I love and getting paid to do it. In fact, my love for travel prompted me to start writing Shannon’s Travel Bag: Travel Tips for Women, an occasional article series providing tips, advice and inspiration for women travelers. Finding a way to get paid to travel is an ideal way to see the world and I truly admire those people who do it — and live their dreams.
One of those people is Ivy Ackerman, founder, Butter and Egg Road, a traveling supper club.
After a fateful trip to Paris, Ackerman was inspired to turn her love of travel, food, art and culture into a business. So she launched Butter and Egg Road, a private member’s club that brings together an international community of like-minded people to share their love of food, travel, art and culture during weekend social events in different cities across North America. The organization’s name is inspired from — you’ve got it — the name of that road in the Muskoka region that I drove past where the Ackerman family owns a cottage.
One of the goals of Butter and Egg Road is to introduce travelers to the art and culture, and the locals, of the particular city that is being featured. While Butter and Egg Road got its start in Toronto, Ackerman has been busy expanding the program in other cities, including Montreal, New York, Chicago and Miami; and soon San Francisco, LA and London.
Shortly after the interview, I got to experience first-hand a Butter and Egg Road event: a wine tasting conducted by a notable sommelier held in a quaint local art gallery in Toronto’s Leslieville neighborhood (I might add, the hottest evening of the summer). It was an intimate gathering of people from a variety of backgrounds (only a maximum of 12 is allowed at each event).
While sipping some superb wine, I met Toronto-based dating and relationship expert, Jen Kirsch, who I subsequently interviewed on the show. Kirsch, also a first-time attendee, was quick to point out that the Butter and Egg Road event was perfect for single women and men, whether they are locals or travelers visiting our city, who are looking to meet a potential partner.
Later that evening, there was a sit-down dinner, which was held at a local restaurant also in the same neighborhood. Unfortunately, I was not able to attend the dinner because it was sold out (too bad for me, but a good sign for Butter and Egg Road). Though I later learned it was a fun evening.
Through the world of Ivy Ackerman, a young woman who courageously follows her heart, I had the opportunity to see a different way to live the dream of traveling the world and getting paid to do it.
If you have a dream of traveling the world doing what you love, I invite you to check out my interview with Ivy Ackerman. In this in-depth conversation, Ackerman shares how she has blended her love of food, travel, art and culture, into a way of living her dream. She also discusses the heart and spirit of Butter and Egg Road, its significance, and where she envisions going with it in the future. I hope this interview inspires you to live your dream and see more of this magnificent planet. If you are single, maybe one of Butter and Egg Road’s events will lead you to your soul mate. You never know.
This article is cross-posted at www.HuffingtonPost.ca.
The gift of courage
Courage is the ability to do something scary. It requires bravery to start a business, ask for a job promotion, travel the world solo, direct a film, rock climb, or make a lifestyle change. It takes courage to pen a memoir, and to share your dreams and innermost fears with the people around you.
It also takes courage to follow your heart.
On my web TV talk show, Extraordinary Women TV with Shannon Skinner, I have had the privilege of interviewing many successful women and unearthing what inspires their hearts, as well as the core of their bravery. These are women from all walks of life who boldly take inspired action, do something beyond the ordinary and, in their own ways, make a difference in the lives of others.
All of these women have a gift to share as a result of their courage. Here are a few of them:
Author Jan Wong is renowned for being one of Canada’s toughest and most courageous journalists. After experiencing workplace depression while working for The Globe and Mail newspaper, she did something extraordinarily brave: she penned her personal story about her depression in the memoir, Out of the Blue: A Memoir of Workplace Depression, Recovery, Redemption and, Yes, Happiness. Today, Wong’s gift is helping raise awareness about depression and the workplace by sharing her journey.
When Marilyn Field worked as a teacher, she discovered that a student’s character could be developed by applying the arts. This put her on an inspired mission. She found the courage within herself to create the not-for-profit organization, DAREarts, which aims to help children at risk develop self-confidence and motivation through the arts, so they can have bright futures. In 2003, as a result of her service, she was awarded the prestigious Canadian Meritorious Service Medal by the Governor General. Today, the lives of many kids – the future generation of Canadians – have been touched, thanks to Field.
In 2008, at the tender age of 24, motivational speaker, Shellyann Siddoo, lost her eyesight and use of both hands, and had much of her body burned, in a laboratory accident. Before the accident, she dreamed of being a neurologist. Today, she has a greater vision: spreading an inspired message of hope and love to people around the world. She now sees the world not through her physical eyes, but rather through her heart. Remarkably, she paints canvases by using her knuckles and visualization from her inner world. As a result of Siddoo’s courage, we now have her gift of “in-sight.”
Singer/songwriter and producer, Amy Sky, is making the kind of music that is in her heart to create. She took a risk to make the music she wants, despite once having been at odds with what the industry wants, and has proven that Canadian recording artists can do it and be successful. Now we have the gift of her beautiful music, such as Phenomenal Woman, her musical interpretation of Maya Angelou’s poem, and her latest song, A Mother’s Love from her recently-released CD, Alive & Awake.
All of these women are brave because they took action. They had a dream or desire in their hearts, and they pushed past fear, got over the hurdles and made it happen. If they did not have courage, we would not have their gifts. I invite you to find out more about them and get inspired at www.ExtraordinaryWomenTV.com.
Note: cross-posted at HuffingtonPost.ca.
