Take a digital detox to re-connect with your heart
I was reflecting this weekend on how much time I spend looking at a screen these days. Our addictions to computer screens, and getting our information and entertainment anytime, anywhere, is taking a toll on us. I know it is on me – my neck is paying the price.
Long are the days when I would sit for hours with paper and pen. I feel the need to type away on a laptop instead and that way I can save my work. But sometimes I wonder if I would feel more connected to what I am writing if it was just me, my pen and a pad a paper.
As well, I read far more online now than ever. An avid reader, my reading has changed from getting through a focused pile of books to now digger deeper and deeper into rabbit holes of the internet on a much broader range of topics.
We, as a whole, spend far too much time looking at screens. It affects our eyesight, posture, health, and it keeps us away from spending time with loved ones and the people who matter most. I have chronic neck pain, which is bad for me, great for my chiro. Computers and personal devices especially, can be surrogates replacing human interaction. Creating, surfing the web, reading the news, checking in on Facebook, posting Tweets, checking email and texts…it doesn’t stop.
I remember traveling to LA and leaving my cell phone behind. I was an a bit of a panic, even if I also knew the world would go on. For the past few years, I’ve taken my phone with me everywhere I go, even feeling the need to have it with me at the dog park. Really, the dog park.
Spending too much time on our devices can also take us away from our own hearts, preventing us from listening to the inner voice, the wisdom inside that whispers to us our greatest desires.
I am planning to take a digital detox. As I write this, a bit of anxiety pops up. My inner voice says: what about emails? What about Facebook? How am I going to get my news?
I will survive. It very well be the best thing I’ve done for myself in a long while.
If you are planning to do a digital detox, here is an article in Forbes that may be of interest on how to do it.
Have you taken a digital detox? What has been your experience? I would love to hear from you. Tweet to me at @Shannon_Skinner or leave a comment below.
Shannon speaks at Women in Business Luncheon (VIDEO)
I was recently the keynote speaker at the Women in Business Luncheon honouring International Women’s Week, hosted by the Newmarket Chamber of Commerce and sponsored by RBC.
The event was livestreamed by CanadaOne.com. Here is a video of my talk about “Unleashing Creativity.”
So your dream fails, now what?
You have planted a seed for a dream. Maybe it is writing a book, or creating a new service or product, growing an enterprise, or planning to travel the world and getting paid for it.
It is impossible that everything we desire and dream of, and take action toward, will be a success. It is wise be driven by enthusiasm and a well thought-out plan to make it happen, and it is certainly nice to fantasize about, but reality has a habit of ensuring that not everything we start in life comes to fruition. Like it or not, accept it or not, it is simply the way it is.
You have likely heard it before: failure is nothing more than a lesson. When a plan of action goes awry, or no-one buys your product, or your financial house tumbles, there is something to learn from it. Often that lesson is learning to love ourselves more. Failure forces us to go into the heart and get reacquainted with its desires; to listen to its wishes, its truth. We get humbled and therefore possibly become a little kinder to others, as well as ourselves; and through the process we find our inner strength and resolve to pick up the pieces and forge ahead. Once we get a little stronger, we pull ourselves from the lower vibrations of survival mode and return to the higher vibrations of inspiration and enthusiasm. When we do, we begin to love ourselves a little more than ever before. And so, if we are learning to love ourselves more, how can we possibly go wrong by having failed a dream?
There is much stigma attached to failure in society. The question is: why? At its basic core it is fear; the fear of failure and making a mistake. Failure also means exposing our weaknesses. Generally speaking, failure may be viewed differently between men and women. For most men, who primarily place their values in career and financial areas of life, a business failure would likely be felt more deeply than if they failed at a romantic relationship. For women, who generally, but not always, place their values in beauty, family and social areas of life, a failed relationship may have more pain than if she failed in a business venture. These typically are the areas where men and women place their self-worth. So when those areas are impacted by a failure, self-worth often takes a hit.
In the bigger picture, failure serves society. Businesses learn to become more efficient. We hone in and focus on higher priority actions. Money belts get tightened. Industry gets far more innovative. Science and technology advance. Society simply evolves.
So what’s to fear?
If you have experienced a project, initiative or dream that has failed, here are some suggestions on how to handle it:
- Write down all the benefits for the failure – how has it served you? Find as many benefits as possible, until you exhaust the list.
- Write down how the failure has it served others. Find as many benefits as possible, again until you exhaust the list.
- Write down what would be the drawbacks to you if you did not fail – and the initiative succeeded.
- Pick one trusted friend and have a blatantly honest conversation about how you feel with regard to the failed initiative. Go deep inside and truly own your feelings. By sharing openly, you can release much of the negativity and get on with it.
- Find something to laugh about in the situation. Humour is often the best medicine.
If you enjoyed this article, I write about similar topics in my book The Whispering Heart: Your Inner Guide to Creativity.
© Shannon Skinner 2012. All rights reserved.
INTERVIEW: The love of a mother can move mountains: Dana Florence (VIDEO)
Before becoming a mother, Dana Florence was a primary school teacher with a passion for helping children reach their full potential. In her heart, she really wanted to start a family of her own. When she gave birth to triplets on Jan 1. 2008, life changed — dramatically.
The triplets were born 15 weeks premature and the fight for their lives began, enduring many tests, procedures and surgeries to keep them alive. Eventually, the children — all three of them — were diagnosed with severe cerebral palsy. Today, they all require equipment, such as wheelchairs and walkers, and constant care to help them with everyday tasks that many people take for granted.
These children — Taylor, Cole and Brody — are the inspiration behind Three To Be, a Toronto-based organization that Dana and her husband, Jared, founded to help children with neurological disorders. Three To Be’s mission is to advocate and raise funds to support and advance the development of innovative research, education and therapies for children with neurological disorders. So far, they have granted more than one million dollars to The Hospital for Sick Children and Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital. Recently, they purchased a robotic device to help children with cerebral palsy learn to walk.
And this is just the beginning.
“If you don’t go through difficult things in your life, you don’t realize what you have to be thankful for.” ~ Dana Florence
At the heart of this story is a determined woman who has taken a difficult situation and made the best of it; moving beyond basic survival to inspiration — to making a difference in the lives of many children who need it the most. It is also the story about how the unconditional love of a mother can be powerful enough of a force to move a mountain.
I invite you to watch my in-depth interview with Dana Florence on my web TV show, Extraordinary Women TV with Shannon Skinner. I asked her about the organization’s vision, and how she finds the strength and support to keep going. I also asked her if, reflecting back, she would change anything. Her answers — from the heart — provide insight into a woman who is nothing short of extraordinary.
To go to the interview, click here (VIDEO).
Why are these women so extraordinary?
The heart is our most trusted guide. It is our intuition speaking to us. When we choose to listen to the wisdom of the heart, magic happens.
You have a heart’s desire. Deep inside, your heart longs to create something real in the world, whether it is launching a new business, writing a book, making a film, inventing a gadget, learning a new skill, traveling the world, growing a luscious garden — or having a family.
In September 2010, I listened to my heart. While I have done so many times throughout my life, this time it was different. A few months prior, a dear friend shocked me with the news that he had less than one year to live. After I got beyond my initial shock and disbelief, I asked myself a question: “If I had one year to live, what would I do?”
The result of that quality question was the launch of my web TV talk show, Extraordinary Women TV with Shannon Skinner. Since, I have had the privilege of interviewing more than 150 successful women from all walks of life who have chosen to listen to their hearts. That is what makes them “extraordinary.”
I would like to introduce you to some of these extraordinary women:
Rona Maynard had it in her heart to become the editor of Chatelaine, Canada’s premiere magazine for women, and was at its helm for 10 years. Her career success was not without the challenges of chronic depression that she faced. Today, she openly shares her story to inspire others to overcome depression.
Rebecca MacDonald, one of the most successful women entrepreneurs in Canada, had a desire in her heart to change the way people buy energy. She created Just Energy, a Toronto-based marketer of deregulated gas and electricity. Additionally, she founded the Rebecca MacDonald Centre for Arthritis and Autoimmune Disease at Toronto’s Mount Sinai Hospital, which specializes in the research and treatment of rheumatoid arthritis and associated autoimmune diseases, as a way of giving back.
Singer/songwriter, Darrelle London, could have enjoyed a career as a lawyer. Instead, she chose to listen to her heart and pursue music. Her whimsical and playful songs – such as Fine — have captured the hearts of many fans, including celebrity blogger, Perez Hilton.
Young adults author, Deborah Ellis, bravely travels to war-torn countries to interview children and tell their stories through her popular books – more than 20 of them – including her latest, No Ordinary Day. It takes courage to affect change. Now she donates much of her royalties to causes that are near and dear to her heart.
Katia Millar needed to re-assess her life when her marriage disintegrated. In her quest to find fulfillment in her career — and life — she launched Positive Fabulous Women, an organization that brings together heart-centered women entrepreneurs for meaningful connections.
Beverley Wybrow, president and CEO of the Canadian Women’s Foundation, has it in her heart to see that women and girls have bright futures. The organization raises money to research, fund and share the best approaches to ending violence against women, moving low-income women out of poverty and building strong, resilient girls.
Motivational humorist, Judy Suke, did not let having more than one heart attack and stroke get in her way of listening to her heart and making a difference in the lives of others through her speaking and seminars. Today, her mission is bringing hope and humour to the world.
These women listened to their hearts and, in their own unique ways, are making a difference. I invite you to watch their interviews and learn from them. Perhaps they will inspire you to listen to your heart. Visit: www.ExtraordinaryWomenTV.com.
cross-posted at HuffingtonPost.ca
copyright © Shannon Skinner 2012
The heart of a redhead in two minutes
I was recently invited to be a judge at a speaking competition that brought together grade 5 and 6 students from a number of Toronto’s private schools, which took place at Holy Trinity in Richmond Hill.
Over the course of a lovely afternoon, I witnessed 19 speeches, all roughly two minutes each, from boys and girls who had the courage to stand up on stage and give a prepared speech in a friendly competition. They all looked so adorable in their school uniforms, standing in the spotlight; some more noticeably nervous than others.
What I was not prepared for was how impressive these children would be. In fact, I was blown away.
Students preparing moments before the speaking competition. I was touched when the young girl introduced me as a judge.
In a short period of time, I learned about female oppression; what it is like to be considered a small person; why the world needs to eradicate hunger; why Muphy’s Law can be to blame when your bagel falls on the floor butter-side down; how to mix and match socks; the house of the future, one of the best sales pitches I’ve ever heard; about sports and superheros; what life is like as a sister of a hockey player; and more.
Every speech was amazing. As a judge, it made my job a difficult one, knowing full well that only four students would win prizes (from two categories, by grade), and the balance of the students — each deserving of recognition for their efforts — would feel disappointment; a heavy responsibility upon my shoulders.
There was one speech, in particular, that touched me. It was from a grade 5 student, who spoke with passion and humour about his life as a redhead. When he was finished, I felt a tear of inspiration trickle down my cheek. This young boy, who looked rather petite in his over-sized uniform, was not only entertaining, he was inspiring. He was inspiring for one reason: he spoke from the heart.
That is when I got it.
As a budding, inspirational speaker myself, I learned something from all of these children, and from this young boy with red hair, in particular. What I learned was this: when you speak from the heart, you will touch another heart – or many hearts.
And this is how you can change the world: touching one heart at a time.
At the end, the school gave me a few minutes to give a talk on the importance of learning to speak publicly, how it develops self-confidence and enables us to believe in ourselves more.
When I sat down and looked over at the young boy with red hair, he was beaming. Then he looked at me and mouthed the words thank you. My heart smiled from deep within.
It still does as I write this blog.
I walked out of the school armed with more education than I had when I walked in. It was an afternoon well spent.
© Shannon Skinner 2012
Keep your dreams under your hat
When we have a big vision for ourselves, and are taking steps toward fulfilling that dream, it can be time of major transition and growth. When we are in this stage of growth, we need to muster all that we have to make our creative dreams come to fruition.
Including our self-confidence.
I have been writing about creativity and manifesting creative dreams for a few years now. Sometimes, I wish I would take my own advice.
If there is one thing I am certain about, it is this: when we get excited about our dreams, we like to share with our friends. Women, in particular, are experts at this. We share our dreams, frustrations, fears and secrets with our closest friends — and beyond. Sometimes it is on purpose: to drum-up support. And sometimes, we simply let it slip. But, often it is not wise to share our vision or dreams with others — until we are truly ready to do so.
Here’s why:
If you have a big vision, most likely only you can see it. You could have support of a coach and other advisors who might have a good understanding and align themselves with you and your vision, but only you truly can envision it. If it’s super big, it will be out of the vision — and comfort zone — of most people: including those in your circle.
When we are in transition or a state of extreme growth, we can feel wobbly inside with a deep sense of insecurity. Self-doubt rears its ugly head, saying things like: “Who are you to think you can do this?” Or, “I’ll never do this.” Or, “What if I fail?” Or, “What if I end up living underneath a bridge in a cardboard box?”
Transition is a highly-sensitive time. It could mean everything in your life is changing, from lifestyle to business – or both at the same time. You might be uprooting – or need to. Or you might need to leave a paid job to get a dream kick-started, which could be stressful and scary. You could be developing new skills and feel a lack of confidence as you do. You might be worried about how your changes will impact your loved ones, and possibly losing friends and family in the process.
The last thing you need at this important stage is to hear negative comments from friends, loved ones, or even advisors, that will pull you down, take you off your centre or discourage you in any way — or make you feel bad about yourself.
Our loved ones can provide well-meaning advice or suggestions, and feel it in their hearts, but be cautious: whatever they are saying or surmizing, they are doing it from their tainted rose coloured glasses – from their value system. Their values will not be identical to yours. Their comments can be extremely damaging for the delicate creative voice inside that already is fragile and fearful with its big vision.
For example, I recently spent time with a dear friend. I’ll call her Barbara. I adore Barbara to pieces, although our lives are vastly different. Barbara is not a career woman: I am. Barbara is a family-oriented woman: I’m not. Over the course of some quality time together, I shared my vision with a generous outpouring of excitement, trepidation and fear for what I am embarking on as I carve my path in this world.
When we did a re-cap of our time together, I was taken aback with her feedback. What I realized is, in talking about all the ideas and things I am doing that are moving me toward my bigger vision for myself — what my friend heard was something different. She didn’t get it. Her comments were a bit raw for a tender, creative soul trying to spread her wings. If I had not done a lot of self-development work up to this point, I might have been hurt or, worse, impacted.
Instead, I felt misunderstood.
I found myself trying to explain further and clarify bits and pieces to help my friend see my vision because I really wanted her to “get it,” but I stopped. I realized no matter what I said, no matter how detailed I got, my friend would never see my vision.
And that’s okay. She does not need to.
From this experience, I learned a lesson: Keep it under your hat. Put another way, keep close your dreams until you are ready to unleash them to the world. When you are ready, your actions will tell others what you are doing.
If you are interested in reading my past articles on creativity and making creative dreams come true, check out my previous blog, Create with Joy.
What lessons have you learned about sharing your dreams prematurely? I would love to hear from you, so please do comment.
Shannon Skinner is the author of The Whispering Heart: Your Inner Guide to Creativity.
© Shannon Skinner 2012
I, the Reluctant Speaker
I recall reading some years ago that there are three fears in life:
1. Fear of public speaking
2. Fear of dying, and
3. Fear of dying while public speaking
Cheeky, I know. But, this is exactly how I felt for many years – until recently.
As a professional communicator, I have spent two decades in the field of public relations. I also spent those twenty years hiding from professional public speaking. A big reason was fear (“terror” is a more accurate word), but not all: I simply did not enjoy getting up in front of people and being the centre of attention. Period.
Now, anytime I tell someone about this, they look at me like I have 8 horns growing out of my head. Apparently, I come across as being extroverted (like extroverts are supposed to enjoy public speaking), but, truthfully, inside I feel more like an introvert.
On my recent trip to Isla Mujeres, Mexico, I had some time to reflect (not much, though, as it was packed with activity, plus I got a horrible chest cold). I believe my fear of public speaking stemmed from my first public address in elementary school when I stood up in front of the class and completely forgot my speech. As I stood there as blank as a sheet of paper, the entire class burst into laughter (hey, I would too!). Feeling like the village idiot, I vowed to never let that happen again.
So, I hid from it.
Well, fast-forward to my twenties and thirties, when I worked in the PR agency world for a number of years, I would find any excuse I could to get out of doing major presentations because I was far too nervous (I would call in sick, or conveniently have a scheduling conflict, or come up with some other excuse). I would have rather hammered toothpicks underneath my nails.
In later years, I took a teaching position at a university with one goal in mind: to get over my fear. It helped, but I still did not enjoy getting up in front of people to speak.
So, I still hid from it.
In my relatively new role as an internet TV talk show host, I had to get over my fear of being in front of the camera. Since launching my new career, I continually get asked to speak to groups, on a variety of topics. And I’ve been saying “yes” – willingly.
I realized my reluctance over the years did not have as much to do with speaking in front of a group as it did about having the right topic to speak about. I just needed the right topic and, vavoom…
I recall one of my teachers saying “if you have a gift, it is your responsibility to share it with the world” (thank you, John Demartini). When I got clear that I had a message — listen to your heart’s desires — I realized that this one of the most important aspects of life to me: to listen and follow my heart’s desires — no matter what. And because that is the thing I want deeply, it is also the greatest challenge I have been given. Why? So I strive to learn…and share…
Even having written a book on the subject: “The Whispering Heart: Your Inner Guide to Creativity,” I still have not yet mastered it.
But what I do know, and what I have a lot of practice doing, is striving to follow my heart, getting over the fear to do so, and finding the tools to help me get back on my path when I veer off.
I believe I have been given two gifts: 1. Ability to communicate, and 2. A message worthy of sharing. I also believe it is my responsibility to share the wisdom I have gleaned, including the mistakes and failures. Besides, it’s all a lesson.
When I attended the We Move Forward 2012 International Women’s Day event, I gave a few introductory words and shared a story worthy of hearing, which I share here in this video (below).
My point is this: if you have a fear of public speaking, just know this: so do I. If I can do it, so can you.
I, the Reluctant Speaker….
© Shannon Skinner 2012
